Here's how to find out.
Let’s get something out in the open…
Clients turn to us for help finding wedding vendors that align with their values. The thing is, many homophobic businesses hide their beliefs so they can make money off of queer folks and allies. Discovering this can be a painful experience that adds unnecessary stress and expense to the wedding planning process—or worse, to the wedding day itself.
When it comes to finding vendors who share an intersection of values like queer pride, antiracism, AND ecological sustainability, you may wonder if you’re asking for too much. Trust us, you’re not.
Here’s How to Find the Queer-Friendly Vendor of Your Dreams
Start by creating a plan to minimize the emotional labor required of the couple. Delegating the task of vendor research can be immensely helpful. For example, it may be easier for a cisgender friend of the bride to call around and have potentially difficult conversations with vendors than it would be for a transgender bride to take on those conversations herself. Then, the couple can make the final decision without having to weed through the bad apples personally.
When researching vendors, use your sleuthing skills. Try and get them on the phone so you can notice their “sir” and “ma’am” usage, which can indicate their awareness level of nonbinary identities (i.e. if they “sir” or “ma’am” assumptively.) Pay attention to the way they refer to couples as in, “When a bride and groom ______….” rather than simply saying, “When a couple _____….” This can be a big red flag for heteronormativity.
Look for hints around their website and storefront. If they’re a queer ally, chances are, they’ll display some sort of gay pride representation like QTBIPOC icons or photographs of queer weddings. Finally, check Google reviews for testimonials. If the testimonials don't mention anything about queer, diverse, or non-traditional weddings, it’s best to retain a healthy amount of skepticism and keep hunting.
Questions to Ask Vendors
The following questions can help you discover if a wedding vendor is an LGBTQ ally. (These questions are specific to gay marriage, but a similar approach can be applied to identify values alignment in other areas too.)
How would you describe your client base? Are you happy with the diversity you see amongst the people you serve?
Do you consider yourself a part of the LGBTQ community or an ally?
What’s your experience been like working with ________ guests? (i.e. Trans, gender diverse, neurodivergent, BIPOC, polyamorous, spiritually expansive, etc.)
What would you say your couples remember you for? What are you known for?
What kind of weddings do you enjoy the most?
What are your company values?
If going all "Nancy Drew" with wedding planning isn't your cup of tea...
You can hire an inclusive wedding planner to handle the heavy lifting.
At DCW, we’ve already done the research and had the hard conversations which saves our clients countless hours of frustration, detective work, emotional labor, email interpretation skills, and phone tag.
We’ve identified vendors who aren’t only competent when it comes to inclusivity, but who actively celebrate queer pride and love serving the LGBTQ community. We work with vendors who donate time and energy to queer causes, and allies who take a stand on important social issues. Our preferred vendors understand that it’s not enough to wear a gay pride pin and show basic politeness; they make a point to use correct pronouns, are experienced working with “non-traditional” family structures, and are skilled at adding positively to the vibe of queer celebrations.
On top of that, we have close working relationships with vendors who check all the above boxes and prioritize ecologically sustainable practices (like minimizing single-use items, sourcing local and ethically produced supplies, and are composting champions.)
Psst, Besides compiling a list of preferred vendors, we also have a “hell no” list–so you don’t have to find out for yourself.
There are more options now than ever before.
More and more couples are waking up to their options for working with vendors who support gay marriage and environmental sustainability. The best approach is to delegate the task of vetting vendors to somebody who has the “spoons” for filtering through some potentially triggering research experiences. The good news is, LGBTQ allied vendors are out there! If you want some help finding them, we’d be happy to guide you through it.
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